I came home feeling somewhat blue and alone tonight. That's kind of putting it in the simplest of terms because if I really examine how I feel, I'll get all existential and bleak. So let's just leave it at feeling "blue". Whenever I experience these moments of isolation, I either put on some Joy Division music and wallow (which is always a bad idea), or sit in my studio and look around (much better idea). Just being in the presence of all the stuff in there gives me back my sense of self and purpose. Tonight I focused on all the old books and thought about the people who wrote them so long ago. None of those people are alive today, but this object, this book, this....piece of pulp and cardboard they created still exists.
In this short life we've all been given, the only real meaningful gesture of permanence we can make is to leave something behind after we're gone. For some, that thing may be children, or a legacy of wealth, or an idea or invention. But for other's it's simply a piece of art. And for me, that as important as anything else....
So this night will end and tomorrow I'll feel better, because we all know feelings are fleeting and changeable. I'll wait anxiously for the weekend when I will make an effort at turning that "old stuff" into something lasting and more permanent than myself.....
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